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Adwords Coupons on Very Cheap Rates in India

2012-02-15T00:26:00.001-08:00

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Remote Laptop Repairing Services in UK

2012-02-14T23:38:00.001-08:00

Repairing the Computer Online is not a new concept , It has been popular for years. Users take Remote Computer Support and Remote Laptop Repairing Services from various Online Technical Support Companies.

Smartsupportguys is also a Online Computer Support and Online Laptop Support Company based in UAE , Dubai. Smartsupportguys has dedicated team of Tech Support guys who are Microsoft Certified and are expert Computer Technicians , and they fix all Computer and Laptop related problems like Virus, Software problems, Internet Problems, Malwares, System Issues, MS Office Issues and Email Issues etc.

Smartsupportguys has various Technical Support plans which you can find at the below link :-

For Technical Support or any further inquiry You can call us at 0207 193 9836 .

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-14T13:03:00.001-08:00

Elderly Jokes :: #81
By Linda Mullock from USA.

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck ....This was your Grandma's idea."

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Famous Quote :: #51
By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA.

QUOTE: Success, Emerson
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-14T03:04:00.001-08:00

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel.

When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?"

She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face looks familiar."

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The Story of Adam and Eve

Happy Valentines Day

2012-02-13T19:17:00.001-08:00

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day
The Story of Adam and Eve
With Great Responsibility Comes Unemployment
How to play Jenga

Happy Valentines Day

Posted: 13 Feb 2012 05:41 PM PST

Posted: 13 Feb 2012 05:36 PM PST

With Great Responsibility Comes Unemployment

Posted: 13 Feb 2012 05:26 PM PST

How to play Jenga

Posted: 13 Feb 2012 05:22 PM PST

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-13T13:03:00.001-08:00

Bar & Drinking Jokes :: #323
By Anonymous from USA.

This woman is sitting in a bar, wearing some sort of tube top. She has never shaved her armpits in her entire life, so as a result, she has a thick black bush under each arm. Every 20 minutes, she raises her arm up and flags the bartender for another drink. This goes on all night. The other people in the bar see her hairy pits every time she raises her arm. Near the end of the night, this drunk at the end of the bar says to the bartender, "Hey, I'd like to buy the ballerina a drink". The bartender replies, "She's not a ballerina. What makes you think she's a ballerina?" The drunk says, "Any girl that can life her leg that high HAS to be a ballerina!"

Forward this joke to your friends >>

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Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-13T03:04:00.001-08:00

President Clinton was out jogging when a Hooker standing on the corner hailed him. "Hey Mr. President! Fifty bucks!" "No, no." Bill replied with a grin, "Five bucks!" and kept on jogging. This exchange soon became a part of the President's normal routine.

Each day as he'd approach the corner, the hooker would yell out, "Hey Mr. President... Fifty Bucks!" and Bill would holler back, "No, Five Bucks!"

Well, one day, Hillary decided she wanted to go jogging with Bill. As they neared the corner, Bill suddenly realized what a terrible scene was about to happen.

Sure enough, there was the hooker, and just like all the other times she smiled and waved and yelled out, "Hey Mr. President......See what you get for Five Bucks!"

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Things Women Should Know About Men

Missing Testicles?

2012-02-12T19:32:00.001-08:00

Missing Testicles?

Missing Testicles?
Things Women Should Know About Men
Nuts Logic
Fucking Coco Pops

Missing Testicles?

Posted: 12 Feb 2012 06:10 PM PST

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely……

A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?

Posted: 12 Feb 2012 06:10 PM PST

25 Things Women Should Know About Men:

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear, “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

14. Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, you should be worried about him.

16. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

17. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

18. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

19. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie “The Way We Were” twice, voluntarily.

20. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

21. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget. He didn’t lose your number. He didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.

22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.

23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

24. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

25. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

Nuts Logic

Posted: 12 Feb 2012 06:10 PM PST

Two nuts (crazy people) run into eachother into the street and start a conversation. After a little chitchat they start talking about their education.

“I study logic” says the first. The second -not very bright offcourse- wonders what that is and the first tries to explain it with an example.

first: Do you have an aquarium at home?
second: Yes.
first: And is there water in it?
second: Yes, how do you know?
first: That’s because I know all about logic. So, are there fish into the water?
second: (amazed) yes
first: You see. This is logic. It is the art of knowing things because you know things. I can go on and on like this all day. For example because you have fish at home I know you like fish.
second: Yes as a matter of fact I do.
first: And because you like fish you like all animals … and because you like animals you like people.
second: (more and more enthousiastic) Yes, I like people very much.
first: Ah. And because you like people you like women … and because you like women you like to sleep with them.
second: (in ecstasy) Incredible! And you know all this just because you study logic?

Armed with this new knowledge the second nut continious his way and after a while he meets another nut (the third) and immediately starts a conversation.

second: Hey, do you know what I have been studying?
third: No.
second: Logic. And I will explain to you what it is. Do you have an aquarium?
third: No

…

It remains silent for a few moments. You can actually hear the second nut thinking and after a while he says:

…

“Then you’re gay!”

Fucking Coco Pops

Posted: 12 Feb 2012 06:10 PM PST

7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
“You know what?” says the 7 year old, “I think it’s about time we started swearing.”
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
“When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?”
“Ok” the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. “Oh, shit mom, I guess I’ll have some Coco Pops.”
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, ” but it won’t be fucking Coco Pops.”

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-12T13:03:00.001-08:00

Lawyer Jokes :: #883
By scott jackson from edmond oklahoma USA.

A drunk walks into a bar, orders a drink and says to the bartender, "all lawyers are assholes" and the guy at the end of the bar says "you better take that back" The drunk man goes, why, are you a lawyer? The man says no, I'm an asshole.

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Health :: #68
By Kate from Chicago USA.

Incorporate flax into your diet
Adding a few servings of flaxseed into your daily diet is healthful for your heart and digestive system.

Studies show that the fats found in flaxseed may be good for your cardiovascular system. Flaxseeds contain alpha-linolenic acid, an essential fatty acid that is necessary for blood pressure regulation. The seeds also contain lignans, compounds with antioxidant-like properties. Its high fiber content also keeps your digestive system healthy.

Be sure the flaxseeds are grounded so that the your body can digest it properly to ensure maximium absorption.

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SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-11T13:03:00.001-08:00

Blonde Jokes :: #18
By James Bywaters from USA.

The Lottery

A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."

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Inspirational Poems :: #2028
By ccessbee.comJoey from USA.

Happiness
Happiness can be thought, sought or caught, but never bought: the best way to keep happiness is to share it.

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Jokes Masala

2012-02-11T06:03:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

Valentine's Day Jokes

Posted: 11 Feb 2012 03:00 AM PST

Girl in Shop: Bhaiya koi valentine card hai Jisme Likha ho"Tum hi Mere Pehle Aur Aakhri Pyar ho" Shopkeeper: Haan hai . . . . . Girl: Theek hai Jaldi se 7, 8 de do. :O :D

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-10T13:03:00.001-08:00

Male Jokes :: #222
By Tito Smith from USA.

This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?"

Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?"

Once again, he growled, "What do I look? Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?"

And again she was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer.

When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today."

He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"

"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."

"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?"

She smiled. "What do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"

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One-Liners :: #205
By dradradra from USA.

Understanding
Understanding does not mean you excuse what someone does.

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Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-10T03:04:00.001-08:00

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

DEAR FRIENDS, WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS BEING SAWED. THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT I SWEAR BY GOD ALMIGHTY, I'M GOING TO KILL WHOEVER PUT NOVACAINE IN THE K-Y JELLY!"

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The Bus Full of Ugly People

Cowboy

2012-02-09T19:36:00.001-08:00

Cowboy

Cowboy
The Bus Full of Ugly People
A REALLY Bad Day!
A Big Ooops!

Cowboy

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 07:18 PM PST

A Texas cowboy walks into the dentist’s office and after an examination the dentist says, “That tooth has to come out. I’m going to give you a shot of Novocain and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The cowboy grabs the doc’s arm and says, “No way. I hate needles. I’m not having any shot!”

So the dentist says, “Okay, we’ll have to go with gas.”

The cowboy replies, “Absolutely not. It makes me very sick for a couple of days. I’m not having gas.”

So the dentist steps out and comes back with a glass of water, “Here,” he says, “Take this pill.”

The cowboy asks, “What is it?”

The doc replies,”Viagra.”

The cowboy looks surprised and ask,”Will that kill the pain?”

“No,” replies the dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to while I pull the tooth.”

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 07:18 PM PST

The Bus Full of Ugly People
A bus, carrying only ugly people, crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their Maker and, because of the grief they have experienced. He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Paradise.
They’re all lined up and God asks the first one what their wish is.
“I want to be gorgeous, ” and so, God snaps His fingers and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says, “I want to be gorgeous, too.” Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while. But, when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts giggling. When there are only ten people left, this guy is giggling uncontrolably, barely able to breath.
Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually manages to catch his breath and says, “Make’em all ugly, again.”

A REALLY Bad Day!

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 07:18 PM PST

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

A Big Ooops!

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 07:18 PM PST

A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices that a rather sexy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says, “Sorry, do you know me?”

She replies “I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children.”

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful.

“Holy crap,” he says, “are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my behind?”

“No,” she replies, “I’m your son’s English Teacher.”

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-09T13:03:00.001-08:00

Sex Jokes :: #1508
By Anonymous from United Kingdom

One Payday Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit O'Honey so he took Miss Hershey back in the Power house on the corner of Clark & Fifth Ave. He began to feel her Mounds and that was sure Almond Joy which made his Tootsie Roll. He let out a Snicker and his Butterfingers went up her Kit Kat and caused a Milky Way. She screamed "O Henry" and squeezed his Zagnuts. Miss Hershey said you were even better than the Three Musketeers. Soon she was a bit Chunky. Nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.

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Safety :: #886
By Alicia from USA.

Car survival kit for winter
Do yourself a favor today!

Place every item that you have in your car from this must car survival kit for winter:

Plastic blankets/sleeping bags

Booster cables

Compass

Extra clothing (hats, mittens, scarves, etc.)

First aid kit

Flashlight with extra batteries

Hi-calorie non-perishable food

Knife

Road maps

Sack of sand ( or cat litter ) to create traction if car is stuck

Shovel

Took kit

Tow rope

Seal botle with water

And remember no cheating, if you ever take an item, put it back ASAP!

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Jokes Masala

2012-02-09T06:04:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

प्रेमवीर
Mr. Bean failed in medical entrance xam 4 the following ans:
लिफ्टमें फंसे सरदार
इन्डीकेटर
तिन महारथी
बनिया मरते हूए -
कौनसा दात निकालना है ?

प्रेमवीर

Posted: 09 Feb 2012 12:23 AM PST

एक प्रेमवीर अपनी कहानी बता रहा था - "" जब मै उससे प्यार करता था तब मैने एक बार उससे कहा था, "" मै तुम्हारे लिए कुछभी कर सकता हूं... यहांतक की नर्कयातनाएंभी उठा सकता हूं'' फिर उस प्रेमवीरने एक लंबी आह भरते हूए कहा - " कुछं दिन बाद हमारी शादी होगई और सचमुछ मै अब नर्कयातनाएं भोग रहा हूं ''

Mr. Bean failed in medical entrance xam 4 the following ans:

Posted: 09 Feb 2012 12:21 AM PST

Mr. Bean failed in medical entrance xam 4 the following ans: Antibody: 1 who hates his body. Artery: Study of fine paintings(art). Bacteria: Back door of Cafeteria. Coma: Punctuation mark. Labour pain: Hurt at work. Caediology: Advanced study of playing cards…;-)

लिफ्टमें फंसे सरदार

Posted: 09 Feb 2012 12:14 AM PST

तिन सरदार एक लिफ्टमें थे जब अचानक वह लिफ्ट बंद होगई, क्योंकी बिजली चली गई थी. उन्होने अपना अपना मोबाईल इस्तेमाल कर बाहरसे सहायता लेनेकी कोशीश की, लेकिन तिनोंके मोबाईलको रेंज नही मिल रही थी. कुछ घंटे ऐसेही लिफ्टमें बितानेके बाद एक सरदारने सुझाव रखा, '' मुझे लगता है हम सब लोग साथमें चिल्लाना यह सहायता मिलनेका सबसे अच्छा तरीका है '' बाकि दो पहलेके सुझावपर सहमत हो गए. इसलिए सब लोगोंने एक दिर्घ

इन्डीकेटर

Posted: 09 Feb 2012 12:06 AM PST

एक आदमीने अपने बिवीको कारसे उतरकर पिछेका इंडीकेटर काम करता है या नही यह देखनेके लिए कहा. वह निचे उतर गई और कारके पिछेकी तरफ जाकर देखने लगी. कारमें बैठे उसके शौहरने इन्डीकेटर शुरु करते हूए उसे पुछा, '' जरा देख तो अब वह काम कर रहा है या नही ?'' '' अब काम कर रहा है... अब नही ... अब हां ... अब नही .. अब हां ... अब नही '' उसकी बिवी बताने लगी.

तिन महारथी

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 11:33 PM PST

एक सिंधी, एक पठान और एक सरदार एक द्वीपपर अटक गए थे. सिंधीने तैरते हूए किनारेपर जानेकी कोशीश की. लेकिन वह लगभग 20 प्रतिशत फासला तय करनेके बाद थक तया और द्वीपपर वापस आया. पठाननेभी तैरते हूए किनारेपर जानेका प्रयास किया लेकिन लगभग 25 प्रतिशत फासला काटनेके बाद वह हार थककर द्वीपपर वापस आगया. अब सरदारजीकी बारी थी. उसनेभी तैरते हूए किनारेपर जानेकी कोशीश की. लेकिन 50 प्रतिशत फासला तय करनेके बाद उसे

बनिया मरते हूए -

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 11:17 PM PST

बनिया मरते हूए - '' मेरी प्रिय पत्नी क्या तुम यही हो ?'' पत्नी - हां जी, मै यही हूं. '' मेरे प्रिय लडकों और लडकियों.. क्या तुम सभी यहीं हो? '' लडके और लडकियां - जी हां पिताजी. . बनिया - तो गधो बगलवाले कमरेका फॅन क्यों शुरु है ?

कौनसा दात निकालना है ?

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 06:12 AM PST

एक आदमीने और उसके बिवीने दातके डॉक्टरके ऑफिसमें प्रवेश किया. उस आदमीने डॉक्टरसे कहा, '' डॉक्टर .. मै बहुत जल्दीमें हूं .. सच कहूं तो बाहर गाडीमें मेरे दो दोस्त बैठकर गोल्फ खेलनेके लिए जानेके लिए मेरी राह देख रहे है .. आप ऐसा करो .. दात बेहोश करनेके चक्करमे ना पडते हूए उसके सिधा पकडमें पकडकर खिचो .. हमें 10 बजे गोल्फ क्लबको पहूंचना है और अब 9.30 बजकर उपर हो चुके है ... इंजक्शन देकर बेहोशीका असर

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-09T03:04:00.001-08:00

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them. Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

I don`t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-08T13:03:00.001-08:00

Kids & Family Jokes :: #406
By Anonymous from USA.

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of sec's..."

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Sustainability :: #53
By Monique from Tahoe City USA.

Buying Locally for a Healthier Taste and Conscience
Next time you hit the grocery store, shop around for the best buys that support your own local environment. Check labels and signs of the produce you purchase and make an effort to buy locally grown products. Buying locally means less energy expended to bring food to your table, cutting down on everything from air pollution to the burning of fossil fuels from trucking in cargo. Buying locally also means fresher fruits and vegetables that are healthier for your body and tastier to your taste buds. Fruits and veggies shipped from abroad are usually harvested at least two full weeks before they are ripe so that they don't go rotten during their long voyages on planes and in crates before arriving to your grocer.

By buying from people in your area you're also supporting the local economy and helping to make your home part of a more sustainable community. If products aren't labeled at your grocery store, talk to the management and let them know you would like to know whether the tomatoes your buying were genetically engineered at some factory or whether they were grown under the same bright skies you wake up to in the morning. By buying locally, not only are you bound for a fresher taste but also for a healthier conscience by making simple decisions that go a long way in protecting all of our environments.

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Jokes Masala

2012-02-08T06:05:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

I don`t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.
अपनी उम्र बतानाही काफी है ...
@समस्या हल केंद्र
तुम उनके साथ खेल क्यों नहीं रहे हो?

Posted: 08 Feb 2012 05:36 AM PST

I don`t understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle.

अपनी उम्र बतानाही काफी है ...

Posted: 07 Feb 2012 07:04 AM PST

टिचर :- लडको तुम्हे पता है ...
सारी दुनियाके वैज्ञानिक खोजने की कोशीश कर रहे है की आदमी बिना दिमागके कितनी देर तक जिंदा रह सकता है ...

एक बदमाश लडका :- सर, इसमें खोज लगाने जैसी क्या बात है?

टिचर - क्यो?

लडका - उन्हे आप अपनी उम्र बतानाही काफी है ...

@समस्या हल केंद्र

Posted: 07 Feb 2012 07:02 AM PST

ग्राहक : मै एक बडी मुश्कीलमें पड गया हूं.

समस्या हल केंद्र : सर मै आपकी क्या सहायता कर सकता हूं ?

ग्राहक : देखो मै मेरे जिंदगीकी पहली मेल लिख रहा हूं.

समस्या हल केंद्र : अच्छा, लेकिन आपकी समस्या क्या है ?

ग्राहक : इमेल ऍड्रेसमें लेटर 'a' है. वह तो मैने टाईप किया है. लेकिन उसे गोल के अंदर (@ ) कैसे डाला जाएं , कुछ समझमें नही आ रहा है.

तुम उनके साथ खेल क्यों नहीं रहे हो?

Posted: 07 Feb 2012 06:50 AM PST

एक नए सरदार टिचरने ग्राऊंडपर लडकोंको इधर उधर दौडते हूए और बॉलके साथ खेलते हूए देखा. तभी सरदार टिचर का ध्यान एक तरफ अकेलेही खडे बच्चेकी तरफ गया. उसने उस लडकेके पास जाकर पुछा,
" सब ठिक तो है ना?'

'हां ' उस लडकेने जवाब दिया.

' फिर तुम उधर जाकर उन लडकोंके साथ क्यो नही खेलते हो ?' उसने पुछा.

' नही मै उधर नही जाऊंगा... मै इधरही ठिक हूं ' उस लडकेने जवाब दिया.

' लेकिन क्यों ?'' सरदार टिचरने पुछा.

' क्योंकी मै गोलकिपर हूं ' उस लडकेने चिढकर उत्तर दिया.

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-08T03:04:00.001-08:00

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

"Do you know how they make these gloves?" he asked.

"No, I don't," she replied.

"Well," he spoofed, "there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size."

She didn't crack a smile.

"Oh, well. I tried," he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked

"I was just envisioning how condoms are made!"

Handcrafted Wood Gifts || Unique Gifts @ Perpetual Kid || Insane T-Shirts!

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-07T13:03:00.000-08:00

Lawyer Jokes :: #464
By Anonymous from USA.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

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Business :: #841
By s. balasubramanian from chennai India

Earning people!
More than technology, bringing out the potential in people is a great thing, investing in human beings is worth a lot. To earn people tantamount to earning money and wealth. Human beings cannot be compared with any other assets in respect of value and power.

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Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-07T03:04:00.001-08:00

Cats And Women

1) Cats do what they want.

2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They're totally unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8) They're moody.

9) They leave hair everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: They're tiny little women in cheap fur coats.

3 Brazilian Soldiers Killed

THE GHETTO BIRD

2012-02-06T19:20:00.001-08:00

THE GHETTO BIRD

THE GHETTO BIRD
Lawyer Vs Cop
3 Brazilian Soldiers Killed

THE GHETTO BIRD

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 07:14 PM PST

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot
would yell, “The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don’t need no water let the muthafukkah burn! Burn muthafukkah burn!”
The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.
One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir stand with her. And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled, “The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don’t need no water let the muthafukkah burn! Burn muthafukkah burn!”
She embarrassingly corrected the parrot, “No, you don’t say that here!!”
The parrot looked around and asked, “Why not? These are the same muthafukkahs that was at the club last night!!!”

Lawyer Vs Cop

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 07:14 PM PST

A lawyer from New York City runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a South Carolina State Trooper.
Being from New York, he thinks that he is smarter than the Trooper because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Trooper’s expense…
Trooper says, “License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What for?”
Trooper says, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”
Lawyer says, “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”
Trooper says, “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”
Lawyer says, “What’s the difference?”
Trooper says, “The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that’s the law. License and registration, please!”
Lawyer says, “If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.”
Trooper says, “All right then Sir, exit your vehicle please.”
At this point, the Trooper takes out his nightstick and starts beating the hell out of the lawyer and says:
“Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?”

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 07:13 PM PST

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying:
“Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
“OH, NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands, crying quietly.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-06T13:03:00.001-08:00

Blonde Jokes :: #14310
By Anonymous from USA.

A Blonde sitting on first class. The flight attendant takes her ticket and says," This is a ticket for coach, not for first class." The Blonde replied," I'm Blonde, I'm Beautiful and I'm going to Chicago." Then the pilot came out and asked what was going on here and the flight attendant told the pilot the situation. So the pilot went over and whispered something in the Blonde's ear and she hurried back to coach. The flight attendant then asked," What did you tell her?" The pilot replied," I just told her that first class wasn't going to Chicago.

Forward this joke to your friends >>

Words of Knowledge :: #2130
By Ryan from Toncheff USA.

Words of Knowledge
Remember, if two men agree on everything? Only one is doing the thinking!

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gelegenheit zur webverbesserung

2012-02-06T07:34:00.001-08:00

Hallo,

Mein Name ist Thomas und ich bin der Webmaster von Inter Online SEO

Nebenbei arbeite ich auch für meine anderen Projekt-Webseiten und dadurch
stieß ich auf indianbollywoodcinema.blogspot.com und ich schätze wirklich das gute Design und die Informationen.

Ich habe Seiten von sehr guter Qualität , von wo aus Sie verlinkt würden.
Wie Sie vielleicht wissen, Links von guter Qualität könnenauf jeden Fall
helfen beim Page Rank, Verkehr und bei höherer Platzierung in den wichtigsten Suchmaschinen
wie Google, Yahoo und Bing.

Sollten Sie Interesse an weiteren Details haben, dann melden Sie sich bitte zurück bei mir
und ich werde Ihnen den perfekte Vorschlag für Ihre Website machen, der bei der Verbesserung
Ihrer Website in allen Aspektenhilft.

Hoffebaldvon Ihnen zu hören und einen schönen Tag wünsche ich Ihnen

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Thomas Friedrichs
thomas.friedrichs@interonlineseo.com
InterOnlineSEO.com

http://de.linkedin.com/in/friedrichsthomas

Jokes Masala

2012-02-06T06:03:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

Love....
डॉक्टर नर्स
बुढीया बम है
कॅसेट
आपको क्या चाहिए ?
तनखाह बढाओ

Love....

Posted: 06 Feb 2012 05:11 AM PST

In '1992'
Boy : Im in with you !
Girl : Im in a Relationship
Boy : Ok (Commits Suicide) o_O

In '2002'
Boy :Im in Love with you :|
Girl: Im in a Relationship !
Boy: Okay I will find Another One ! :P

In'2012'
Boy: Im in love with you :P
Girl:Im in a Relationship :S
Boy : Okay I will wait for your 'BREAK UP' :D

डॉक्टर नर्स

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 11:03 PM PST

एक औरतने आठ सालके छोटे सनी को कान पकडकर उसके घर उसके मांके पास लाया -
'' सरलाजी अपने लडकेको संभालो... मैने अभी अभी इसे मेरी लडकी पींकीके साथ डॉक्टर और नर्स खेलते हूए पकडा है ''

सनी के मांने पींकीके मांको समझानेकी कोशीश की, '' कमलाजी .. इतना सख्तीसे मत पेश आईएगा... इस उमरमें लडकोंमे थोडा आकर्षन होना लाजमी है ''
'' आकर्षन ? ... अच्छा हुवा मै वक्त पर पहूंची ... नही तो ये तुम्हारा लडका चाकुसे पेट काटकर मेरी लडकीका अपेडीक्स बाहर निकालने वाला था''

बुढीया बम है

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 06:31 AM PST

एक बुढीया रोड के साईडमें बैठी थी, उस रोडसे अजमल कसाब जा रहा था. उसके हाथमें बमका बॅग था. अचानक उसने पुलिसको आते देख बमका बॅग बुढीयाके पास रख दिया और भाग निकला.

उस रोडसे जाने आने वाले लोग बुढीयाके पास रखी बॅग को देख जोर जोरसे चिल्लाने लगे, "बुढीया बम है!' ' बुढीया बम है!'

यह सुनकर बुढीया थोडी शर्माती हुई बोली, '' वो तो मै जवानीमें थी.. अभी तो बुढी हो गई हूं''

कॅसेट

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 06:21 AM PST

एक कवी शायरी सुना रहा था, लेकिन जैसेही वह बोलने लगता उसकी नकली बत्तीसी बाहर निकल आती,
बहुत देर तक ऐसा चलता रहा,
आखिर एक बेसब्र हुए एक श्रोतासे रहा नही गया.
उसने कहा, ' महाशय कुछ सुनाओगेभी या सिर्फ कॅसेटही बदलते रहोगे'

आपको क्या चाहिए ?

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 06:09 AM PST

घरका नौकर (दरवाजेमें खडे अजनबी आदमीसे ) :- आपको क्या चाहिए ?
आदमी :- मुझे तुम्हारे मालिकसे मिलना है.
घरका नौकर :- क्या काम है क्या मै जान सकता हूं?
आद्मीमाणूस:- मै एक पेमेंट के सिलसिलेमें यहां आया था ...
घरचा नोकर :- ओ हो ... वे तो कल सुबहही अपने गांव चले गए.....
माणूस:- की जो पेमेंट मुझे अब उन्हे करना था.
नोकर:- और वे आज सुबहही वापस आगए है...

तनखाह बढाओ

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 06:07 AM PST

अपने काममें कुशल एक लेडी सेक्रेटरीने अपने बॉससे अपनी तनखाह बढानेकी गुजारीश की.
लेकिन बॉसने मना करते हूए कहा, '' आपकी तनखाह पहलेसेही आपके अगले कॅबिनमें काम कर रहे सेक्रेटरीसे जादा है, और उसेतो पांच बच्चेभी है''

" माफ किजिए सर,..'' वह कुशल सेक्रेटरीने चिढकर जवाब दिया, '' अगर मै गलत नही हूं तो हमें तनखाह हम यहां कितना आऊटपुट देते है इसके लिए दी जाती है, नाकी हम अपने घरमें अपने निजी वक्तमें कितना आऊटपुट देते है इसलिए...''

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-06T03:04:00.001-08:00

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, Lord. I found one."

तुम मेरे पास कैसे क्या आ गए ?

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-05T13:03:00.001-08:00

Sex Jokes :: #1507
By Anonymous from Australia

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to reach me!", "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. "Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

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Relationships :: #2615
By Ashley from hanover park USA.

Getting over the heartbreak
"Someday you will cry for me like I cried for you.

Someday you will miss me like I missed you, you'll need me like I needed you and someday you'll love me but I wont love you."

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Jokes Masala

2012-02-05T06:04:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

Posted: 05 Feb 2012 05:57 AM PST

एक पेशंट एक जानेमाने सायकॉलॉजिस्टके पास गया और शिकायत करने लगा, '' डॉक्टर, मुझे पिछले ना जाने कितने सालोंसे अलग अलग प्रकारके आभास होते है, और अबतक मुझे कोईभी डॉक्टर ठिक तरहसे दवाई नही दे पाया है..''

"" इसके पहले आपको कौन डॉक्टर ट्रीट करता था?'' सायकॉलॉजिस्टने पुछा.
"" डॉक्टर लाल राठोड'' पेशंटने जवाब दिया.
"" अच्छा वो लाल राठोड... वह तो बडा मुरख किस्मका डॉक्टर है... अच्छा तो फिर तुम मेरे पास कैसे क्या आ गए... '' सायकॉलॉस्टने पुछा.
"" सर उन्होनेही तो मुझे आपसे मिलनेके लिए भेजा है '' पेशंटने कहा.

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-04T13:03:00.001-08:00

Work Jokes :: #258
By Anonymous from USA.

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as 'Millennia Year Application Software System' (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, 'I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before.' I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.

As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, 'here, stick this in MYASS.' It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, 'Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS.'

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Love Quotes :: #3079
By Julie Sullivan from Louisiana USA.

Love Is The One Gift
Love is the one gift that you can give again, again, and again.

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999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018

1995-2011 © All rights reserved.

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SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-03T13:03:00.001-08:00

Blonde Jokes :: #1487
By Krissy from Melbourne Victoria Australia

A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother Overseas!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" he asked the blonde.

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me." He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door." She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. Then he said, "Take down my zipper." She did. He said, "Go ahead... take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly, "HELLO... MOM!"

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Words of Knowledge :: #1295
By jeanie kamoni williams from west fargo USA.

Live for today
Live today, for today only, as you cannot change yesterday or begin to understand tomorrow.

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999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018

1995-2011 © All rights reserved.

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Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-03T03:04:00.000-08:00

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-02T13:03:00.001-08:00

Bathroom Graffiti :: #197
By Peter Buckley from USA.

Here I sit broken hearted,

paid a dime and only farted,

next time I'll take a chance,

save my dime and shit my pants.

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Interpersonal Skills :: #842
By Khaled Hossain from Dhaka Bangladesh

Friendship
Friendship is a wealth, so, it should be utilized properly. It needs a commitment. To keep it fresh and sustainable we have to take some responsibilities. If anybody considers friendship as an opportunity, it will die within a short time.

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999 E Touhy Ave, Des Plaines, IL 60018

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Jokes Masala

2012-02-02T06:03:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

Sea What You Did There

Posted: 02 Feb 2012 04:49 AM PST

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-02T03:04:00.000-08:00

I was taking the family out for ice cream last night when my wife commented on the gas prices.

"Thank God they're going back to normal," she said.

I said, "Yep, and they're going to keep going down until November 7th."

"Why, what happens on November 7th?"

"General elections for the House and Senate."

"So you think these prices are temporary?"

"I'd bet your dad's life on it."

She shot me a dirty look.

"Hey, I could be wrong and he'd get to live."

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Payback Bitch!

2012-02-01T19:34:00.001-08:00

Payback Bitch!

Payback Bitch!
The Zookeeper
TWO MOBSTERS

Payback Bitch!

Posted: 01 Feb 2012 05:54 PM PST

Dear Husband

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, what ever the case is, I’m gone.

P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your Ex-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Every-thing happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s not a problem.

Signed
Rich As Hell and Free!

The Zookeeper

Posted: 01 Feb 2012 05:54 PM PST

A Zookeeper was walking through the zoo one day, checking on all the animals.
When he passed near the Giraffe pen, he noticed a woman standing near the fence
that contained the giraffes.

One of the largest giraffes had walked up to the woman and stood in front of her on
the other side of the fence.

Suddenly, the giraffe reared up and jumped over the fence and raced away through the zoo.

The Zookeeper ran over to the woman. “My God Lady, what happened to the giraffe?”

The woman turned to the Zookeeper and said, “All I did was reach through the bars and tickle his balls.”

With that the Zookeeper dropped his own pants around his ankles and said, “Tickle mine, I gotta catch him.”

TWO MOBSTERS

Posted: 01 Feb 2012 05:54 PM PST

Two mobsters are talking about what they got their wives for Christmas.

The first one says “I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes, so that in case she doesn’t like the diamond, she can drive it back to the store and get another.”

The second mobster says, “I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way, if she doesn’t like the slippers, she can go fuck herself.”

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-02-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

Miscellaneous Jokes :: #22828
By Anonymous from USA.

A suspected foreign man arrives at Kennedy airport and is going through customs. He becomes extremely irate when the customs inspector insists on searching his bags. He screams at the inspector, "New York is the asshole of the world!"

"And I take it," replies the inspector, "That you are just passing through."

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Business :: #848
By Jeff Holbrook from Red House, WV USA.

Getting along in this world
If you act like you know what you are doing, no one will feel adequate to question your activities.

your website's ranking

2012-02-01T04:52:00.000-08:00

Hi,

I'll take this opportunity to introduce myself, my name is Jerry Franklin,
very nice to meet you. I work as a SEO manager for InternetSEOsolutions

I'm making a research for one of my partners and while doing so
I noticed indianbollywoodcinema.blogspot.com and I have few interesting suggestions for you
and I would like to tell you more about them.

As a SEO expert I personally maintain quality sites that can
match and help your site to gain higher rankings & traffic.

If you are interested I will be happy to send the additional information
and all the details needed to make it happen.

Thank you very much,

Jerry Franklin
jerry.franklin@internetseosolutions.com
InternetSEOsolutions.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/franklinjerry

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-02-01T03:04:00.001-08:00

These 2 guys decide that they are going to take a fishing vacation together. They agree that they would go deep-sea fishing in Southern Florida.

They get there and get all settled in, then the next morning they get up early and head for the boat. On the way to the boat, they see this guy sitting alone fishing off of a pier. They go out for 8 hours, and when they come back they see the same guy still fishing at the same spot.

The next morning on the way to the boat, they see the same guy at the same spot fishing. Again, they go out for 8 hours and when the get back they see the same guy at the same spot still fishing.

Same thing happens the next day. When they get back to the hotel after their third and last day of fishing, they decide that since they don't have to get up in the morning, they would go to a local bar.

When the get to the bar, they see the same guy from the pier sitting at the bar by himself drinking a beer. Well, they decide that they are going to sit by this guy. They sit there, and each has a beer. Then one guy asks him "Are you here on a fishing vacation too? We see you every morning at the pier."

The guy replies "No, I'm here on my honeymoon."

One guy says "Honeymoon!? Don't you think you should be with your bride making love instead of here drinking?"

They guy replies "No, she's got gonorrhea!"

One guy says "Well, you could at least be alone with her, cuddling or SOMETHING!"

The guy says "No, she's got diarrhea too!"

One guy then says "Man, have you even kissed her yet?"

He says "No, she's got pyorrhea too!"

One guy then says "Gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea! Man, if don't mind me asking, why on earth did you marry her?"

The guy says "Well, she's got worms too, and you know how I love to fish!"

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your website's ranking

2012-01-31T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hi,

I'll take this opportunity to introduce myself, my name is Hazel Sheridan,
very nice to meet you. I work as a SEO manager for SeoLinkMasters.com

I'm making a research for one of my partners and while doing so
I noticed indianbollywoodcinema.blogspot.com and I have few interesting suggestions for you
and I would like to tell you more about them.

As a SEO expert I personally maintain quality sites that can
match and help your site to gain higher rankings & traffic.

If you are interested I will be happy to send the additional information
and all the details needed to make it happen.

Thank you very much,

Hazel Sheridan
hazel@seolinkmasters.com
SeoLinkMasters.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/hazelsheridan

SpicyJokes.com - britney saha

2012-01-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

Doctors Jokes :: #22540
By Anonymous from USA.

After returning home from an examination, the young woman phoned her gynecology's and asked. "Doctor, would you see if by chance I left my panties in your office?" He looked in the examining room, returned to the phone, and told her, "I'm afraid they are not here." "Sorry to trouble you, doctor," she said. "I'll try my dentist."

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Famous Quote :: #421
By Mike Turner from Grand Rapids USA.

Be sincere
Live authentically. Be the person you truly are, and the sincerity of your efforts will bring a wonderful richness to your life.

-- Ralph Marston

Jokes Masala

2012-01-31T06:03:00.001-08:00

Jokes Masala

वन्स मोअर
सनम बेवफा ?
खतरा !
मेरा लडका ...

वन्स मोअर

Posted: 30 Jan 2012 06:57 AM PST

एक जगह संगीत की महफ़िल चल रही थी.
श्रोतागन एक गायक को बार बार वन्स मोअर दे रहे थे.

तब गायक ने कहा ,''मेरे प्यारे श्रोतागण मै आप लोगोंका मेरे प्रति प्रेम समझ सकता हूँ . पर मेरी भी कुछ मर्यादाए है. मै इतनी बार नहीं गा सकता ?
"तब एक श्रोता खड़ा होकर बोला ,"
"जब तक तुम ये गाना ठीक से नहीं गाते तब तक हम वन्समोअर देते रहेंगे ''

सनम बेवफा ?

Posted: 30 Jan 2012 06:43 AM PST

खतरा !

Posted: 30 Jan 2012 06:35 AM PST

मेरा लडका ...

Posted: 30 Jan 2012 06:28 AM PST

तिन लोग आपसमें बाते कर रहे थे,
पहला- मेरा लडका तो स्विमींग पुलमें मछली की तरफ तैरता है.
दुसरा - यह तो कुछ भी नही, मेरा लडका तो स्विमींग पुलमें हवा के जैसे तैरता है.
तिसरा - आप लोग क्या आपसमें झगड रहे हो... मेरा लडका तो सबसे ग्रेट है.
पहला और दुसरा - वह कैसे?

तिसरा - क्योंकी मेरा लडका तो बिस्तरमेंही स्विमींग पुल बनाता है.

Your Joke of the Day from Funny Joke Rating

2012-01-31T03:04:00.001-08:00

Washington state attorney season and bag limits

1300.01 GENERAL

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout 'whiplash', 'ambulance', or 'free Perrier' for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.

10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

BAG LIMITS

1. Yellow Bellied Sidewinder 2
2. Two-faced Tort Feasor 3
3. Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator 5
4. Big-mouthed Pub Gut 2
5. Honest Attorney EXTINCT
6. Cut-throat 2
7. Back-stabbing Whiner 2
8. Brown-nosed Judge Kisser 2
9. Silver-tongued Drug Defender $100 bounty

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